Firstly I should point out that this is a bit of fun, and need not be taken too seriously. However, as with all good jokes, it works better if it’s true enough to be plausible.
We were prompted to come up with the Crazy-to-Hire Matrix after viewing this politically incorrect video on the intricacies of finding a female partner.
By way of explanation, please refer to the following:
- The Skills and Experience axis denotes the ability of a candidate to perform the job function.
- The Culture Fit / Flakiness axis is a measure of how well an individual will fit with your company’s culture, ethos and how consistent and reliable (or indeed flaky) they will be.
- The Crazy-to-Hire Line is where the lack reliability and culture fit of an individual begins to outweigh their abilities in performing their job function. You would be crazy to hire someone on the wrong side of this line.
- As you would never hire someone who scored less than five for Skills and experience, let’s call this the No-Go Zone.
- Temp Zone; these can be employees hired on a temporary basis to fill a short-term need. They have the basic skills, and are just about tolerable in your workplace, but are not yet permanent employee material.
- Long Term Contractor; like the temps, these guys have the ability to do the job, but are very reliable. They often don’t want a permanent job, as being a contractor pays better.
- Danger Zone: People in this area of the chart may exhibit great levels of ability, and can be very attractive candidates. However, the disruption they could cause to your company just doesn’t make them worth the hassle.
- Grief Zone: These are the people who soak up most time from their managers and HR departments. Not only are they very good at what they do, but they know their value, and are consequently very demanding. These people often demand more money, recognition, promotion, holidays etc. Not only that, but they are also most likely to be headhunted by your competitors.
- When Can You Start? Whenever you meet this person, this is the first question you want to ask them. As close as you’re going to get to the perfect employee, these people do not bring you problems, only solutions.
- Unicorn Zone: These people are so scarce as to be statistically mythical. If you are lucky enough to find that highly skilled, well-balanced employee, who personifies your company culture, then you are indeed a very fortunate employer.