We at IRD Towers are particularly interested in the experimenting with the creative side of ChatGPT, to see just how human it can appear to be. Here, I gave a profile of a neurotic recruiter in Scotland, and asked for a 2 minute stand-up routine to be generated.
Funny experiment, and I was surprised just how funny the result was
[Opening]
Ladies and gentlemen, let me tell you about my day job – I’m a recruitment consultant in Glasgow! Yeah, you know, the job where I get to combine my love for people with my passion for crushing their dreams. Ah, truly a match made in heaven.
[Employers]
So, I deal with these employers, right? They come to me with a list of demands longer than the Loch Ness Monster. “We need someone with 15 years of experience, but they must be under 25.” Sure, let me just hop into my time machine and find you that perfect candidate!
And let’s not forget their salary expectations. They want a candidate with the skills of Elon Musk but are willing to pay only as much as it takes to buy a haggis dinner. Trust me, if you pay peanuts, you’ll only end up with job-seeking squirrels.
[Stupid Job Seekers]
Now, let’s talk about the other side of the coin – the job seekers. I’ve seen CVs that look like they were written by a drunk sheepdog. Half of them read like they’ve been put through Google Translate a few times. “I am good at make communication and am team worker very much.” Fantastic, you’re hired to be the poet laureate!
And the hobbies! Oh, the hobbies people list on their CVs. I had one guy list “knife juggling” as his hobby. Listen, mate, I’m trying to find you a job, not an audition for “Scotland’s Got Talent”!
[The Interviews]
I sometimes have to sit in on interviews, and let me tell you, they can be painful. I had one candidate show up dressed like he was auditioning for “Braveheart.” It’s a finance job, pal, not a battlefield. Save the kilt for the weekend, will you?
And then there are the ones who have clearly never heard of the internet. They sit there, blank-faced when asked about the company, like they’ve been asked to explain quantum physics. “Umm, you guys do… business stuff?” Brilliant, welcome to the board of directors!
[Closing]
But you know what? At the end of the day, I love my job. It’s a roller coaster ride of inflated expectations, ridiculous demands, and the never-ending quest to find the one person who can put a sentence together without making Shakespeare roll in his grave.
And hey, if all else fails, I’ve always got a career in stand-up comedy to fall back on, right?
[End with a smile and a shrug.]
PS. It never really ends, so here’s a follow up from Alan Walker – re-spinning this through GPT.
I’ve just asked ChatGPT to “Please review this stand-up comedy routine, but do so in character as an irate Scottish person who might be found in one of Irvine Welsh’s novels (such as Trainspotting). Make sure to keep the language in character.”
PART ONE:
[Opening]
So ye start aff wi’ a bit about bein’ a recruitment consultant in Glesga, aye? Combining yer love for fowk wi’ crushin’ their dreams. Ah mean, it’s no’ a bad start, pal, but ye might wanna think about throwin’ in a wee bit mair spice, ye ken?
[Employers]
Ah dae like the bit aboot employers wantin’ a laddie or lassie wi’ 15 years experience but under 25. It’s a guid laugh, an’ the bit aboot payin’ peanuts an’ gettin’ job-seekin’ squirrels is no’ bad either, but ye could mebbe toss in a wee swear word or two, ye ken? A bit o’ Irvine Welsh flavor, if ye catch ma drift.
PART TWO
[Stupid Job Seekers]
As for the job seekers, there’s potential there, mate. Drunk sheepdog? No’ bad, but let’s call it a “blootered sheepdog” instead. And mebbe ye could change that bit aboot bein’ good at “make communication” to somethin’ like “I can talk real guid, like.”
The knife jugglin’ hobby, noo that’s a bonnie touch, but mebbe ye could say somethin’ like, “Aye, sure, I’ll find ye a job – as a fookin’ circus act!”
[The Interviews]
The bit aboot the Braveheart kilt is a guid one, pal. But dinnae just leave it at that, aye? Say somethin’ like, “Ye didnae bring yer claymore wi’ ye, did ye, ya daftie?”
As for the ones who dinnae ken anythin’ aboot the company, ye could mebbe say somethin’ like, “What, did ye nae hae time to use the fookin’ interwebs, ya numpty?”
PART THREE
[Closing]
The closin’ is awright, but ye could mebbe end wi’ somethin’ like, “An’ if aw else fails, at least ah’ve got a career in stand-up comedy, eh? Or ah can always go back tae bein’ a fookin’ recruitment consultant.” A wee bit o’ self-deprecation always goes doon well.
[End with a smile and a shrug.]
So there ye hae it, pal. No’ a bad routine, but ye could mebbe use a wee bit mair o’ that Irvine Welsh flair. Ye ken, a bit mair grit an’ a few mair sweary words. Good luck, an’ I’m sure ye’ll hae ’em roarin’ wi’ laughter in nae time!
